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FadeAway1694
Panda
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
I like to write depressing poems and things for the heck of it. Whether or not they are based upon real feelings is another story, though some of them are. I'm not that depressing in real life, usually. I love music. (But not that pop crap that everyone is so infatuated with. Give me some hard rock/metal!) I also like to play Xbox 360. My gamertag is also the same as devID. I also recently got a tumblr! I'm new to it, though so I don't really know who to follow. So, pm if you have any suggestions. ^_^ I also have a twitter with (surprise!) the same name as everything else. Lol If you have any other questions, just ask! ^_^

Current Residence: In front of my laptop in a little 2-bedroom apartment in MiddleOfNowhere, ID, USA.
Favorite genre of music: Hardcore rock, Metal, Alternative, emo, ScrEmo, punk, goth rock, etc... (But NOT scene music. EVER)
Favorite photographer: Anyone that ISN'T trying to photograph *me*.
Favorite style of art: I like looking at visual art, but I'm no good at making any. So I prefer literature.
MP3 player of choice: iPhone 4S, as well as my stereo and my laptop.
Favorite cartoon character: BATMAN. And Harley Quinn. Well, okay, ALL of the Batman characters.
Personal Quote: -someone else- You can't do that! -Me- WATCH ME.
Interests
And now I'm using Pokemon references. -sigh- Guess I'll never get away from being a nerd, huh? Oh well. This is going to be a relatively long journal, so here's the Table of Contents so you can skip to an interesting part. Even though all of it is just me rambling on and complain about my life and is in no way, shape, or form, interesting.

I. In which I express and explain my anger over getting kicked out of church.
II. In which I express all my emotion over the loss of what few friends I had.
III. In which I explain random little details bothering me in life now.
IV. In which I question whether or not I want to get married after all.


I.  My family was kicked out of church recently by court. My dad was (stupidly) emailing back and forth with one of the new girls to help her with a science project. (Or maybe it was a church project. Either way, totally harmless and innocent.) My 16-year old brother has seen the emails and has told me they were fine... until SHE got aggressive. So then, the youth minister (who I have never liked anyways because he is a hypocrite and he downright insulted my taste in music) decides to tell this girl's grandfather to 'watch out' for my dad. Which is hilariously stupid because my dad is a good man and did nothing wrong. Not to mention he was a COP at one point in time. Next thing I know, Dad gets a court order for no contact between him and the church. He can't go within 800 feet of the church or her school. Not that that matters because the town the church is in is an hour away from us anyways. However, this is the second church we have been kicked out of because of stupid, judgmental people. The first one was because I moved in with a man that I'm not married to. And yes, that is solely my fault, but the rest of my family didn't feel like taking in all the criticism and the stares. Turns out this second church was no different on that front. One of the members decided she should voice her opinion about my 'living in sin' to my mother instead of taking it up with me personally. Though, I was pretty sure the bible says that is you have a problem with someone, you take it to THEM, not to their family and certainly not to court. -sigh- I'll be honest, I've completely lost faith in man and in religion. In God? I don't know yet... 

II.   You know what really sucks though? Because of the above section, I now have no friends. Through other situations, I lost most of the other ones, but the church thing really fucked up what little social life I had left. One of my friends is in England on Air Force duty, another is in college far away from me, and I pushed two really good friends away because I couldn't handle their constant bitching at me about each other anymore. A few months back, I also pushed away another really good friend because she and her husband wanted to have sex with me and I was offended. (I have since apologized and tried to mend the bond, but she has made it clear she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore.) The few friends from church that I liked and would actually try to keep in contact with, won't talk to me anymore. So I reached out to the girl I had a crush on in college. She told me she would move out here when she graduated and she would keep me company. I had to laugh because I knew it was a joke, but... I wouldn't mind it. Right now, I just want SOMEONE to talk face to face with. 

III. Which leads me to somehow talk about the other little problems going on. First off, I am getting really fucking tired of BF's dad jerking us around with the whole car situation. He has been telling us he is going to drive a car out to us SINCE SEPTEMBER. And now he's decided t=he would rather just have us buy a car and he'll fly out and help us pick it out. But he's 'still on the fence' about driving the other one out to us. It's really pissing me off. BF and I are not counting on anything from his side of the family anymore. We will just have to save up and get a car sometime in a year or 2. After I'm done saving up the $3300 I owe the government because I'm an independent contractor. Even though I've been with the company I work for for 2 1/2 years. I know it's stupid, but it would be nice if they would make me an actual employee so I could actually get insurance (I can't afford it right now) and so I could NOT have to give the IRS $3300 by the end of the year. Oh, and my depression is back in full swing. I'm getting damn good at hiding it, but I don't know for how long. I know sooner or later the urge to want to die will come back too. Oh well. 

IV. I'll be honest, I don't actually know if I do want to marry this man. Recently he has exhibited behaviors that I don't like and disagree with immensely. Maybe I'm just uber-controlling. I don't like hurting people, least of all him, but I'll give it more time to be sure. I do keep getting the urge to pick up and leave, though. Not just him, but my current life in general. I'm not happy. I'm stuck. And I don't know what to do. I was going to expand on this more, but now, I kinda don't want to. I think I'm just gonna go lay down and cry for awhile...
  • Mood: Unhappy

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:iconaaron-jay:
Aaron-Jay Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Happiny Swirlix Starly Kabuto Unown-zulu Bonsly Budew Unown-yankee Bagon Bronzor Nincada Unown-tango Unown-victor Whismur Dwebble Farfetchd Bidoof Foongus Nidoran F Seedot Spearow Staryu Voltorb Kakuna Luvdisc Magnemite Metapod Paras Porygon Elgyem Scatterbug Wurmple Cascoon Sunkern Weedle Exeggcute Feebas Beldum Nidorina check out this cute pokemon Pokemon Kaoani - Espeon Ranpuraa   

Thank you for the many favs


I am pleased beyond any mere word combination's meanings... so... here are some lovely pictures of pokemon. ^_^:D

Mew Vulpix Chikorita Cyndaquil Bulbasaur Ralts Oshawott Azurill Torchic Joltik Houndour Togepi Fletchling Froakie Cubone Ditto Aron Goomy Castform Shuppet Marill Pidgey Finneon Cherubi Drifloon Electrike Cleffa :typhlosion: X-Y Typhlosion Igglybuff Munna Ekans Jigglypuff Spheal Horsea Cottonee Anorith Barboach Machop Caterpie Natu Oddish Durant Diglett 
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:iconfadeaway1694:
FadeAway1694 Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
YAY!!!! POKEMON!!! :D
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:iconaaron-jay:
Aaron-Jay Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
everything is better with pokemon
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:iconvegetabelle:
Vegetabelle Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks for so many favorites, love!
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:iconrgdopico:
RGDopico Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks for the fav :)
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:iconmariahiztim:
MariahIZTIM Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014
Thanks for the fav!
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:icontwinsocks:
TwinSocks Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thanks you a lot for the fav~!!! Llama Emoji-53 (I Liek Your Cheeks) [V3] 
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:iconenchantedimagination:
EnchantedImagination Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for all the favs! :D
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:iconferelwing:
Ferelwing Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
:iconbigheartplz: Thanks so very much for :iconfavplz:ing my work! :iconplaywithfireplz:
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:iconton-k300:
Ton-K300 Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2014
Thanks for the :+fav: on EGizer :)
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